Monday, February 2, 2009

Saintly Reading

I first read about "The Lives of the Saints" in Frank McCourt's book, Angela's Ashes. I ran right out to get the books. He was right-- fascinating stuff.


Saint Grimi ~ The patroness of the hot hermitess.



This lead me to write my own book. Sensing that everyone around me (*including me!) wanted to give their children unusual names, I came up with Saintly Names for Baby. 500 pages of great baby names and their meanings.
(self published)


A Sampling of Girls Names with Meanings:

Alkelda - Constant giggler.
Bibiana - Falls in love with drunkards.
Burgundofara - Sickly.
Casilda - Lifelong career in the prison system.
Devota - Overly fond of birds.
Eulalia - Overly fond of sailors.
Emerentiana - Will request to go into foster care.
Grimonia - Refuses to leave her room, writes death poetry.
Macra - Has fiendish invisible tormenters.
Matrona - She of very weak & loose bowels.
Rufina - Bulimic and accident prone.
Theneva - Unwed teenaged mother.
Zita - Food hoarder who steals people keys.

And Boy's Names:

Agabus - Will live with his parents forever.
Benno - Not potty trainable.
Callistus - Very smug, prone to sarcasm.
Chrodegang -Unattractive, prone to constant chanting.
Dogmael - Forever a toddler.
Fabian - Has a disdain for women.
Odo - Frivolous party boy prone to severe migraines.
Poppo - Annoying
Remaclus- Into extreme self denial.
Werenfrid - Vegan animal activist, never bathes.
Woolos - Devoted to random acts of unkindness.


But wait! Don't toss the book aside once you've named your saintly children --
This book includes a wealth of saintly child-rearing tips! Don't send Alkelda to an all-girl's school, search Romuald's room daily, and never ever throw a pirate themed birthday party for Helier.


* my children are:
Grimbald - who collects germs; Amedei, who is constantly in tears; and Ebbe who keeps reminding everyone that she is wise and holy.

13 comments:

R.L. Bourges said...

yes, yes, yes. Plus there was Zastrild of Perthwelly, wasn't there, whose papa insisted she wear woolens in July?

She married Pert Gombrund but theirs was a doomed relationship given his allergy to woolens and his well-known preference for flowing silk robes.

However, may the good Father Forgive me and may you be blessed, A R - I had never heard of Saint Grimonia The Beheaded (very modern looking isn't she, with those fetching bangs?)

Your book sounds truly One of a Kind.

Deborah Godin said...

We need to get this book distributed in Hollywood A-list bookstores ASAP!!

Avid Reader said...

RL I can't think of a worse torture than woolens in July-- at least with beheading the discomfort doesn't last all month.

DG -- Yes, that might be my market.

tut-tut said...

I've know a few Fabians . . also one Agabus.

tut-tut said...

Here's another MO

The Buddha's Last Instruction

"Make of yourself a light,"
said the Buddha,
before he died.
I think of this every morning
as the east begins
to tear off its many clouds
of darkness, to send up the first
signal—a white fan
streaked with pink and violet,
even green.
An old man, he lay down
between two sala trees,
and he might have said anything,
knowing it was his final hour.
The light burns upward,
it thickens and settles over the fields.
Around him, the villagers gathered
and stretched forward to listen.
Even before the sun itself
hangs, disattached, in the blue air,
I am touched everywhere
by its ocean of yellow waves.
No doubt he thought of everything
that had happened in his difficult life.
And then I feel the sun itself
as it blazes over the hills,
like a million flowers on fire—
clearly I'm not needed,
yet I feel myself turning
into something of inexplicable value.
Slowly, beneath the branches,
he raised his head.
He looked into the faces of that frightened crowd.

Kurt said...

How much is the book?

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

I'm with Deborah - to the Hollywood A-list stores immediately!

Barbara said...

How do your children feel about having unusual names? For some, that would be a blessing; for others, a curse.

bella rum said...

I have a niece who should have been named Bibiana and a a cousin who is definitely an Agabus.

Coffee Messiah said...

If you get it published, I'll purchase a copy ; )

I'm "Callistus" ; )

e said...

Sounds like a great coffee table edition bound to liven up cocktail parties...

Have your kids ever been teased about their names???

mouse (aka kimy) said...

i loved reading the stories of the lives of saints as a child, however the downside was that until age 13 I wanted to grow up and be a martyr.... fortunately I outgrew that ....oh and at age 13 I also stopped attending parochial school so that too may have had an impact on modifying my 'career' aspirations!

Cergie said...

I like "Angela's Ashes" so much. I can understand what you mean. Religion is so important in this book. I discovered that "Franck" comes from "Francis", and "Fran├žois" in French like St Fran├žois d'Assise ( > San Francisco California ?)
I was so sad that the young babies died and how Franck's life was difficult. For instance having so illed eyes. And walking bare feet even during the winter. And yet, it is a hope full story. The author managed to go to Americana.

My Classic Fiction Book List -Partial List

  • Austen, Jane: (Complete Works)
  • Balzac: Cousin Bette/ Eugenie Grandet / Cousin Pons
  • Best Russian Short Stories
  • Boyle, TC: Short Works
  • Brennan, Maeve : Short Works, 1 Novella
  • Bronte, Emily, Ann, Jane (Complete Works)
  • Brookner, Anita ( Complete Works)
  • Cather, Willa (Complete Works)
  • Chekov: Short Works
  • David Copperfield (Dickens)
  • Dickens:A Tale of Two Cities
  • Dickens:Great Expectations
  • Dickens:Nicholas Nickelby
  • Dickens:Our Mutual Friend
  • Dickens:The Old Curiosity Shop
  • Doyle, Roddy (some novels, memoir)
  • Drabble, Margaret (4 Novels)
  • Drieser, Theodore (Complete Works)
  • Fitzgerald, F.Scott (Most Novels & short works)
  • Hardy, Thomas (Complete Works)
  • Hemingway, Short stories
  • Hemingway: The Old Man in the Sea
  • Hemingway: The Sun Also Rises
  • Hugo: Les Miserables/Hunchback Of ND
  • James, Henry: Daisy Miller
  • James, Henry: In The Cage
  • James, Henry: Portrait of a Lady
  • James, Henry: The Golden Bowl
  • James, Henry: What Maisy Knew
  • James, Henry: Wings of a Dove
  • James, Henry:The Ambassadors
  • James, Henry; The Bostonians
  • Kerouac: Dharma Bums
  • Kerouac: On The Road
  • Kerouac: The Subterraneans
  • Kerouac: Tristessa
  • Lardner,Ring:Short Works
  • Larsen: Quicksand
  • Lewis, Sinclair: Arrowsmith
  • Lewis, Sinclair: Free Air
  • Lewis, Sinclair: Main Street
  • Lewis, Sinclair: The Job
  • MacGill, Patrick (Complete works)
  • Mackin, Walter (novels)
  • Maupassant: Short Works, novels
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  • McNulty, John (Short Works)
  • Norris, Frank: McTeague
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  • O. Henry
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  • Salinger, JD : Nine Stories
  • Salinger: Franny & Zooey
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  • Salinger: The Catcher in the Rye
  • Sinclair, Lewis: Dodsworth
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  • Sinclair, Upton: King Coal
  • Sinclair, Upton: The Jungle
  • Steinbeck, John: Sweet Thursday
  • Steinbeck: Winter of our Discontent
  • Steinbeck: Cannery Row
  • Steinbeck: East of Eden
  • Steinbeck: The Grapes of Wrath
  • Theroux, Paul (3 Novels )
  • Toibin, Colm: (Novels of)
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  • Tolstoy: Short Works
  • Turgenev (2 novels)
  • Twain: T Sawyer, Life on the Mississippi
  • Vonnegut: Early Works (1950s-60s)
  • Wharton, Edith: Novels of/Short Stories
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  • Zola, Emile ( 10 novels)